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“In a time of drastic change it is the learners who inherit the future. The learned usually find themselves equipped to live in a world that no longer exists.”
~ Eric Hoffer ~

Most of us live as if the world were static, or as if it should be. Too often the way we act, plan, and react betrays the assumption that tomorrow will be much like today, that we'll slide by all right if we just get a little better, a little smarter, at doing what we are already doing. The reality is quite different. The fact is that of the multiple separate elements that make up what we think of as "self," many of us are likely to change over the next five to ten years. Some of us will change drastically, some subtly. Some will change incrementally, some cataclysmically. Some will be changed by outside forces, some from within.

Some people deal well with change, taking its challenges as sources of enormous energy to drive them forward while others are fine until something changes in their environment and then they fall apart going from bad to worse in a spiral. What's the real difference between those who thrive on change and those who fall apart? Is it just luck? Could be, if it happened once. But if we look carefully, we will notice that people tend to react to change predictably based on a familiar life-pattern. People that thrive on change share some fundamental attributes while the same can be said about those that fall apart under similar conditions. In general, those who are flexible, creative, adaptive, and secure do better with change than those who are rigid, unimaginative, dysfunctional and insecure.

Some, when faced with impending change, choose to simply avoid it's implications. Their motto is: "I will not let this change affect me." The thoughts that go along with such a stance often have to do with identity: "I am the kind of person who does things this way. I am not the kind of person who does things that way." For matters that for the most part turn out to be irrelevant, this can work. However, for things that make a REAL difference, its a foolish stance to take. When a train is coming, for instance, it's best to get off the track. When opportunity knocks, we ought to be getting up and opening the door. Frankly, rigidity in a turbulent environment leaves us with few options. The trick is to recognize the difference that makes a difference and to separate the relevant from the irrelevant. Often we give too much energy and attention to changes that are far away and have little potential to affect us, and not enough to the things that are right in front of us--the task that is at hand.
For others the goal is merely to accept change, to be flexible, to "swing with it," to say, in the dismissive argot of children, "WhatEVer." But, though flexibility can be a good first step in dealing with change, it isn't the last step. Also, complete flexibility is usually illusory. If we are saying Yes! too often and too easily, we are probably fooling ourselves, building up resentments and defenses outside of our conscious awareness. Easy-going, agreeable people are the one's who suddenly walk out on the marriage, chuck the job, and sour on projects much to the surprise of everyone around them.

Success in dealing with change is not about refusing to let it affect us, or simply accepting it. Success in dealing with change is about BENEFITing from it. It's about using the energy that it brings into our life to challenge ourselves.. to become larger, deeper, AND more useful to those around us. Paradoxically we must learn to embrace change while keeping our base firm--to be rooted in our past while engaging our future. To truly master change, we have to master the paradox of changing while staying grounded--reaching for the new without losing ground in the old. But FEAR of change--the fear of the unknown--is quite real. It is immediate and nearly constant for many of us. It keeps us from welcoming change when it inevitably comes. Yet, to be UNable to change, UNable to see things in new ways, UNable to understand what we had not understood before, UNable to renew ourselves--is to take part in our own slavery--to sell ourselves down our own river.

Owning up to our true feelings about a given situation has a way of driving fear out. Here's the equation: In general, people don't change unless the pain and uncertainty of changing is less than the pain and difficulty of staying where they are. So what do we do about the pain, difficulty, aggravation, and stress of our present situation? Too often, we say, "I can handle it." We grit our teeth, hunker down, and plow forward. Sometimes we enlist alcohol, or some other chemical, or sexual adventure, to help with the denial. And the fear just grows. Admitting to ourselves, and even to others, "I'm scared," or "I'm exhausted, I don't know if I can keep this up," or whatever we are feeling, frees up energy for the task at hand. And it allows us to see whether the change might not be so bad after all. If the sheer size, complexity, and uncertainty of the change is daunting, it is far easier to deal with change when we break it down into small pieces and deal with each of it's components one small step at a time.

Ultimately, INTEGRITY is what will really protect us when changes looms in our lives. If we are on the outside the same person we are on the inside.. if we are always willing to own up to our rough spots and crimes.. if we are not strangers in our own lives.. then we know that whatever happens, we will still be our self... this alone has the power to override many fears that are related to being "exposed" by a prevailing change in circumstances.
We all have our favorite moves--the ones that really work for us--and the temptation is to play it safe by repeating those moves over and over, and seeking out the situations where they work best. But to really develop, we have to do the opposite -- we have to seek out the situations that are the most difficult for us, work them through, hang out with them long enough to begin feeling at home in what initially may have started out as ambiguous and strange circumstances for us.

If there is any urge that can be called a true "instinct," it is the instinct for order, for imposing patterns on the sensory chaos that confronts us at every turn. We have a deep and strong desire to make sense of the world--indeed, we have to if we hope to survive. Logic and mental order are the power tools of conventional decision-making. BUT.. they are less useful in dealing with change. Confronted with new circumstances, we must do MORE than narrow the possibilities. We must generate NEW thoughts. In short, we must be CREATIVE. And we must do that not just once, but repeatedly.

Example: The dilemma of the antelope.

When lions hunt antelopes, the pride's dominant male stays where he is, while the female lions--the real hunters, swifter than the male--sneak around to the far side of the herd, fan out in a wide semi-circle, and lie down in the grass. The dominant male, bigger but slower, really incapable of catching the antelope by himself, takes on the job of suddenly leaping up and roaring at the antelope. He's good at it. The antelope bolt from him--and run straight into the trap laid by the waiting females. Yet, for the antelope, salvation would lie in running TOWARD the roar, in deliberately picking out the thing that is most terrifying, and moving toward the SOURCE of the fear. No antelope has ever been known to do that, and very few humans can, either. In this sense, our fears can be our guides to change. What we fear most are the very areas in our lives that will, sooner or later, impose changes on us. The more we avoid them the more turbulent will the changes be when they arrive on our doorstep. We have the power to turn the tables and be agents of change--deliberately instituting change, rather than waiting for them to force themselves upon us when we are the least prepared for them. Ideally, the best direction for us to be moving in is toward that which we most fear--the places that hold the greatest potential for growth. Run toward the roar!

 

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Reader’s comment #1:

Change can be embraced or ignored, it will happen anyway...If we choose to ignore it we will be left behind, wondering why things are not the way they used to be, why our job is obsolete, why we are no longer relevant, why, why and why...

If we embrace change, learning how to adapt and change ourselves as change occurs around us, we will be in a position to use the constant change that happens internally and externally to the end we may be seeking...Again in a positive manner hopefully...

Having been in the vortex of change most of my life has helped me overcome fear of change...It has buffeted me almost daily since the age of 17 when I left Northern Minnesota (and the cold) for Germany/Europe! It also has made me realise that it would be much easier to stay within the safe cocoon of a "comfort zone" (whatever that is for each individual) that unfortunately makes for mental or physical traps that we unwittingly allow ourselves to get into. Distasteful and boring, numbing and dumbing (my feelings here)...not for me!

Things change, people change, environments change, and we change...For example, nothing to fear as gravity sets in after 50 (LOL), we change! No need to fear a new country or culture, is a change (new ideas)! Why not change perspectives a bit and learn more about others beliefs, traditions, and values (new ways of thinking)...is a change from the mundane world we may have gotten used to (read boring, uninspiring, etc.)...I say embrace change and make it yours.

 

Reader’s comment #2:

When I read this I thought of detachment. I didn't just think of remaining detached in an ever changing somewhat painful existence on Earth. I thought of acceptance that this is life and to be happy about all of the changes that happen in a lifetime.

I used to think that detachment was a cold way to view the world and it somehow separates us. I guess detachment by itself is, but detachment with compassion, or loving kindness, is a completely different level of being. I am slowly coming into this concept and I am realizing that it's all small stuff, even the major tragedies.

I hope to always be learning and open to the new or old, whichever way you look at it, ideas that will help us thrive in a place that seems to be unexplainable at times. I have always had a sense that there are other worlds than this one and that the more tools I have, the better. Thank you for making them so available and understandable.

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